Is Forgiveness the Higher Road? An Easter Reflection on Discernment and Mercy

By Trish Briggs

I am going to let you in on a small secret.When I am winding down for the evening, I often watch low-key forensic or mystery shows. It may not sound restful, but the steady delivery of facts without emotional chaos actually calms my nervous system. I like following the clues. I like watching a puzzle come together.

And inevitably, these stories raise the same question: What do we do when someone has done something wrong?

When Forgiveness Becomes Automatic

For much of my life, my answer was immediate.Turn the other cheek.

If I imagined myself in the shoes of a victim’s family, I would work to get to forgiveness as quickly as possible. My mother instilled in me the belief that turning the other cheek was the higher road. Somewhere along the way, I also absorbed the idea that if I didn’t forgive, it meant I was judging - and judging was not something I wanted to be guilty of.

So I turned the other cheek. Over and over.

But spiritual growth has a way of re-defining what we once accepted without question.

Today, I see it differently.Turning the other cheek is not always the most aligned response. And choosing not to forgive immediately is not the same as judging.

The Difference Between Forgiveness and Discernment

It is about discernment.

One size does not fit all. Balance is not a rigid midpoint we hold at all costs. True balance shifts according to what is actually happening.

There are situations where forgiveness is powerful and appropriate - when someone feels genuine remorse, takes full responsibility, and demonstrates understanding and accountability. In those moments, forgiveness can heal and restore. It reflects growth on both sides.

But there are also situations where the person feels no remorse, where there is no acknowledgment of harm, and where accountability is absent. In those cases, immediate forgiveness can quietly become permission. And that is not love. That is enabling.

For years, I confused forgiveness with goodness. I thought withholding it meant I was failing spiritually. What I understand now is that forgiveness is not passive. It is sacred work. It requires honesty, healing, and readiness.

And sometimes the most loving thing we can do - for ourselves and even for the other person - is to allow the consequence to stand. An “eye for an eye” does not necessarily mean revenge. It can mean allowing reality to teach what gentleness cannot.

Could I personally carry out an “eye for an eye”? That would depend on the situation. But I can choose not to offer premature forgiveness.

If forgiveness implies that what happened was acceptable, then I must be careful - because not everything is acceptable.

Discernment is not cruelty. Boundaries are not judgment. Accountability is not unkindness.

The Higher Road Is Not Always the Same Path

As I have grown, I have realized that keeping my power - rather than surrendering it in the name of appearing spiritual or even another - is part of my responsibility. When forgiveness is real, it flows from strength, not fear.

To me, that is the higher road.

During Easter, when so many reflect on betrayal, injustice, mercy, rebirth, and sacrifice, I find myself considering this more deeply. Jesus turned the other cheek in some moments. In others, He overturned tables.

Both were aligned. Both were purposeful.

Perhaps wisdom lies not in rigidly choosing one response over the other, but in learning when each is appropriate. That is the perspective I continue to grow into.