By Leila Briggs
“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And to know the place for the first time.”
Sometimes the story doesn’t change. Sometimes the story remains the same, looping within the same narrative.
The story remains the same; but you are different. The main character in the story is different.
That’s what healing gives you. It gives you, the main character, the ability to change. It gives you the ability to understand you and to be at peace with your choices. Even if those choices are the same decisions the un-healed version of you would have made.
Through the deep understanding of self, the external world around you becomes transparent. You can see the wounds, the trauma, and the weakness of others and their world on full display. You can see all of this because you have seen it within yourself. (The same can be said for love. You can see love within the dark because you have seen the love within your own darkness.)
Most who start healing want to heal themselves because they believe there is something TO BE healed. Most believe they are lacking in some way. Most individuals who self-heal do not go into the journey with the expectation they will see their brothers and sisters being ruled by their own wounds. They go in with the expectation they will eventually meet an actualized version of themselves and hopefully a better version of themselves.
Through the healing journey, the self healer comes to the realization they were not the issue. Atleast not the single issue. They were part of a complex system of wounds, traumas, and beliefs. A complex system that included themselves, their families, their family lines, their community, their society, their world, and their universe. The negative habits and the poor choices they made were in response to this complex system. And sometimes the “negative” habits and “poor” choices were the best coping mechanism to survive another day within this complex system.
However, as a Healed Main Character, you have access to choices you didn’t before. You have access to an awareness you didn’t have before.
If, unexpectedly, you make a choice that is in line with the old, unhealed version of you - you make it with conscious awareness and in some cases with bittersweet joy.
Chances are the old you wasn’t too bad or too far from the pathway he/she/they should be on. In fact, it’s possible all that was missing was awareness. The understanding of why you are the way that you are.
Guilt and shame do not hang around the Healed Main Character for very long. Healed Main Character energy doesn’t have the time or the zeal to carry the burden of guilt and shame for very long. While most Healed Main Characters never stop seeking to be a better and a more whole version of themselves, the process is very different.The inner journey is a lot smoother and much more easy to navigate. It’s because the weight of that guilt, shame and doubt are no longer present.
“What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from”
The Little Gidding
By T. S. Eliot
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